Last week I talked about trying to make my writing a bit zippier, which remains a continuing goal but I think the effort was definitely not a high point for me as I was trying to be something I'm not. What I'm not is a writer that can sling witty barbs like my friend Dave over at "Sheridan"*. That being said, I'll stick up for myself for a moment or two and say that I actually can be pretty funny in person... but the target of my stinging repartee is usually myself. I've been told that no one makes better fun of me than me. Of course, there's a lot to make fun of. My friends also enjoy making (good-natured...I think) fun of me as they know I'm pretty good a taking it all in stride. Not to mention I do say some pretty off-the-wall stuff. As might be imagined about a man trying to be a Balanced Guy, it can mean being curious about a very broad and disparate conglomeration of topics and facts. Heck, even this blog tries to give balance to 13 differing subjects over the course of time.
So how out in left field can I be? As an example, suppose my buddies and I are sitting on a back deck drinking a beer or two while we fire up the barby. In the dying twilight, a bat flutters overhead which I notice. My train of thought then goes something like this: "bat....cat...rat...rat?...bubonic plague...Black Death...hey, I've read a lot about the Black Death"....at which point I'll make an out-of-the-blue statement (in the middle of a conversation about sports or politics or women) something to the effect of "If the Plague were to strike today, next week half of us sitting here would be dead". Silence falls like a wet blanket (even the crickets stop and wonder where in God's name that came from), everyone turns to look at me and someone will say something along the lines of "what the hell are you talking about?" Then they'll all laugh, shake their heads, say "frickin' TB" (that being one of my college nicknames) and the conversation will resume. After nearly 25 years of friendship with this group of guys, they know me and I know them. We all have our idiosyncracies. But then that's what makes each one of us unique. If we were all the same, what a boring world it would be. It's also good to have long-term friendships where you are comfortable being yourself. Actually it's better than good - it's critical in life. People with strong social networks and friendships live longer and are generally happier (See? Here I go again with the info out of nowhere).
Finally, I'm going to use my vast compendium of otherwise useless nickel-knowledge to seek potential fame and fortune as I take the initial steps towards becoming a Jeopardy contestant via an online quiz next week (these only come up a few times a year on a set date and time). I generally do very well when watching the show as well as Cash Cab and playing Trivial Pursuit. However, dragging minutia from the recesses of the brain in front of a lot of people with money on the line is no doubt a whole different ball game. Wish me luck.
*Funny, but in one of Dave's recent sports postings he used the word "shill" in reference to a bothersome advocate for a cause and personal benefit. I hadn't heard that word in a long time, especially used in conjunction with sports but not three days later I was reading another article online about a coaching change (I think...been a lot of those lately) and it too, used the word "shill" in the same sense. Interesting stuff. I like to think the writer of that article follows Dave's blog and lifted that infrequently used word from him.
Items of interest this go-around:
Competitor - The Super Bowl is coming up. No doubt Dave over at Sheridan will have commentary far more informed than mine. Check him out. In a related bit, Tim Tebow will be in a pro-life ad for Focus on the Family airing during the big game. While I respect his right to hold his personal beliefs, not sure this is the best for his brand going forward. Make no doubt - for an athlete of his stature, he IS a brand and needs to manage it carefully. Might an NFL team considering him find him a bit too offputting via his personal social agenda for the broad appeal they seek? It's not too often you see professional athletes taking a highly politicized stance on anything. He is most likely a franchise player but some draft scenario pundits are saying he might not even go in the 1st round of the draft. Time will tell.
Greenbacks - If you've got airline miles or other "points" from you credit card or other loyalty programs, here's something I recently figured out (I'm slow; so sue me) - if you decide to cash them in for merchandise instead of a ticket to paradise, think carefully before doing so. Earlier this month I received a letter from Delta Skymiles saying my rewards points were going to expire at the end of January. Knowing I wasn't planning to travel anywhere, my wife and I went online to the Delta Skymiles Marketplace to look at what we could get for the nearly 45,000 points I had. She looked around the website and saw a wireless printer. With the proliferation of laptops in our house, it seemed like a good idea. But I said, "let me look into it a bit more". Turned out not to be a good deal at all. I'd have needed to buy about 5,000 more points at a cost of around $40 to buy a printer which retails at Best Buy for $79. Even more, the printer got terrible owner reviews on Amazon and it's not even compatible with Windows Vista. Other goodies available retailed for about the same price. Case closed. A little more poking around the site and my wife realized that with 45,000 points we could get nearly $300 worth of gift cards at places like Barnes & Noble, Macy's, and Outback Steakhouse. Bingo! We had to pay an extra $23 to get the 6th $50 card but that's like paying $1 to get $2; a no-brainer. Let's do the math: $79 printer - $40 to get enough points = $39 value. $300 in gift cards - $23 to get enough points = $277 in value. $277/$39 = 7.1 times the value.
I'll be tucking this one away in my back pocket for future use should I ever have a bunch of rewards points racked up again.
Arguing - The White House Gate Crashers, Tareq and Michaele Salahi, are back in Washington this week as they were summoned to testify before Congress regarding the now infamous incident. Of course they invoked the Fifth, the right to not incriminate themselves. I'll definitely give them credit for having hutzpa; anyone who can bluff their way into a State Dinner gets that at least. But c'mon? Who do they think they are fooling with the "we believe we were actually invited"? Anyone briefly reviewing their track record gets an instant flavor of what they are about (yechh!). From the dubious charity they run, claims of unpaid catering bills running into the tens of thousands, her claiming to be an ex-cheerleader for the Redskins (when no one else remembers her) and a reality show following them around town as they prepared for the State Dinner I can form my own opinions pretty quickly. Maybe my gut feeling is wrong (as well as the gut feeling of most Americans), but I think the picture of what Michaele Salahi was wearing as she showed up to testify before the House Homeland Security Committee says it all. Don't get me wrong - I'd guess she's appropriately dressed for an evening out on the town or an afternoon shopping at Saks...but a fur-trimmed wrap when appearing before Congress? Wow. Nothing screams "Look at me!" more except maybe the boorish behavior they've displayed before the nation thus far. The clock has LONG run out on their 15 minutes. Irony duly noted that I'm giving them more....
Black Socks & Flip-flops - I've long held the position that facial hair is to men what hairdos are to women. Really, think about it. Men rarely, very rarely, change the way they wear their hair except maybe when they are young and do something crazy for the shock value or a bet. Sure once in a while a guy will shave his head or go with a crew cut but that's about it. No changes in color, no switching from curly to straight locks overnight (or at all), and they most certainly don't bring a magazine into the barber shop and ask Hank to cut their hair "to look just like George Clooney in this picture". OK. Maybe some do but they're called metrosexuals. Hair styles for men change very, very slowly and once a guy settles into a hairstyle in his mid-to-late twenties, it pretty much stays that way for the rest of his life with minor tweaks...or until he starts to go bald. Whichever comes first.
On the other hand, it's perfectly acceptable for a man to sport varying forms of facial hair, changing them with the seasons or his whim. One only has to look at the sideburn craze from the early and mid 1990's (courtesy of Beverly Hills 90210) to realize this. I'm certainly in this group as I've sported either a full beard, goatee/moustache combo or been clean-shaven numerous times over the years (my current winter wear is the full beard). A man can go with the: Luke Perry (sideburns), Grizzly Adams (full beard), Musketeer (goatee and moustache..not worn by Mouseketeers), Captain Ahab (goatee without moustache), Abe Lincoln (beard sans moustache), Ohno (soul patch as sported by Olympic speed skater Apolo Ohno), and Magnum P.I. (moustache only). There's also the Dirty Lip as worn by young guys trying mighty hard to look older and tougher when they really don't yet have quite enough testosterone flowing (not to be confused with a Dirty Sanchez). And there are many variations on these basic themes mostly in terms of width (think pencil-thin moustache) and length (think ZZ Top) - no snickers from the Peanut Gallery please. The only facial hair style I don't quite get (I actually DO understand the Dirty Lip despite it looking ridiculous), is the razor-thin beard some young guys sport these days. Maybe I'm just getting old but it hardly shows and has got to be a bitch to keep shaved.
As for myself, I actually like the bit of grey I now have in my beard right on my chin. It's pretty much the only grey hair on my head except for that one single grey up top that's been there for about 10 years. Of course, the flip side is that while the hair on my head is not going grey, it is getting thinner. Oh well, maybe I can grow my beard long enough for a comb-over.
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