The Russian Alchemist

And away we go!

1. The Competitor - Sports
2. Mr. Muscle - Fitness and Health
3. Your Ride- Cars
4. Greenbacks - Career/Money/Finance
5. Toys - Gadgets (i.e. boys toys)
6. Tasty Licks- Music, Movies, Books and other Entertainment
7. Arguing - Politics
8. The Great Outdoors - hunting, camping, extreme sports
9. WWWD? (What Would Ward Do?...think about it, it'll come to you) - Family
10. Black Socks & Flip-Flops - Personal Appearance
11. Honeydew - Home Improvement/Tools
12. The Wide World - Travel/Vacation
13. Eye Candy

The Competitor - Unless you've been down in a well the last week-and-a-half you no doubt know the Olympics are shaping up to be an America blow-out in terms of the medals race. Still not a sure thing as Germany is only 3 medals behind us (26 to 23 as of this writing). Wondering if you've heard about the platinum medal now being awarded.  As far as news of the weird goes, Russia's Plushenko takes the cake as the whack job of the Games. (OK a total non sequitur here but this friggin' Blog editor keeps changing fonts on me as I type; I'll just correct it when I'm done. It's definitely a squirrely system). So back to that rascally Ruskie. You probably know by now that he bitched and moaned when he won the silver behind America's Evan Lysacek, claiming that because Lysacek didn't do a quad jump, he shouldn't have been awarded the Gold Medal. Never mind that Plushenko received notably lower scores in for his technical execution and artistry. So anyway, to take his life further into the odd (as if skating in a fake muscle suit and thong ain't strange enough) he's now bought himself a first-class, one-way ticket on the weird express by magically "transforming" his Silver Medal into a Platinum Medal, platinum being a more valuable metal than gold. This Russian Alchemist's website was showing it as such. However, when I visited the site while writing this, it appears to have been changed back to "normal". Can you say "sore loser"?

Mr.  Muscle - More than likely you've got antibacterial soap, antibacterial all-purpose cleaners, antibacterial hand sanitizers and who knows what else around your house. Heck, I even received a pair of antimicrobial SOCKS for Christmas this year. All well-in-good. However I've believed for years that this stuff is simply not healthy. Now I'm not a doctor or microbiologist or epidemiologist (I spelled that correctly the first try!), but I don't think it takes a rocket scientist or one of the previously-mentioned professions to realize that when you kill off 99.99% of the "bad bugs" with anti-bacterial products that the  0.01% left over are gonna be the really strong ones that only survive to make more bad bugs that aren't killed off so easily. A recent study backs me up. And it goes hand-in-hand with the folk wisdom that kids who play in the dirt are healthier than those that are too clean. Another study backs up this common-sense knowledge as well. 

Simply put: low-level exposure to germs encountered in daily life appear to help to build our immune systems. Try and stay too clean and sanitized and you run the risk of a weakened immune system trying to fend off super bugs created by using antibacterial products...exactly the opposite effect a hyper-clean person is trying to achieve. 

This effect is even reflected in our culture by the old image of the strapping farm kid contrasted with the weak, sickly rich kid. Prior to the modern era, when most people were raised on farms or out in the country allergies were almost unknown and considered to be a "rich person's disease". Even today, populations in industrialized countries suffer a higher incidence of allergies than those in developing nations.

While the choice is a personal one, we've taken to eliminating antibacterial products in our house. On the other hand, with three young boys in the house, the hyper-clean, don't-let-your-kids-play-in-the-dirt syndrome has never been an issue or even a battle we ever attempted to fight. Our challenge is kicking them outside and making sure they get away from the  screen, go out, and GET DIRTY. 

Greenbacks - If you're like me and most young boys growing up in the 1970's, you were a reader of comic books. Some of us were, and remain, collectors of them. I've still got my collection from when I was a kid and it includes some early-on pieces such as X-Men #26, and The Amazing Spider-Man #3 King Size Special. After the recent news of a near-mint condition copy of Action Comics #1 selling for $1 million, I wish my father had saved his comics from when he was a kid. Published in April 1938, it introduced the world to no less than Superman. And it's no wonder why it sold for a million bucks given what the franchise has been worth over the years not to mention the cultural icon the Man of Steel has become. So, if you've got those old comics lying around you can 1) dig them out of your parent's basement or attic and see if you've got a winner, or 2) dig them out of your parent's basement or attic and give them to me and I'll see if I now have a winner. Who knows? One of us might just be able to retire.

Tasty Licks -  We took the kids to see Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The  Lightning Thief this past Saturday. Definitely a fun Saturday afternoon movie especially if your kids have read the books.  A time-tested premise of a demi-god setting out on a challenge but with the added twist of being set in the modern-day USA.  The special effects are great (but then what CGI isn't good these days?) and the storyline moves along  nicely.

All I can say is  thank God the actress playing Annabeth, Alexandra Daddario, is over 18 (she's 23). It's not clear in the movie what her age is and I was starting to feel a bit odd checking out her curves. No need to worry though if you're wondering if the movie is appropriate for kids ..considering the last movie dealing with ancient Greeks that came out of Tinseltown: 300

Now if you've not seen 300, it's like a live-action comic book that is really gory, has lots of action, is generally pretty cool (if you're a guy) although there is the slightly uncomfortable and somewhat, no make that VERY,  homoerotic nature of a movie about sweaty muscular guys running around in leather diapers. Witness exhibit 1:

If if wasn't for  the smoking hot Lena Headey as Queen  Gorgo, 300 would have to go down on the list with The Village People and Adam Lambert.

The Great Outdoors - are not so great this week.  I don't know about you but I'll take 25 and snowing anytime over 37 and rainy. Ask and ye shall  receive - now they're calling for 12" or so of snow again for our area. Holy crap this weather sucks. However I know that  spring is not too far away at this point...

Honeydew - Do your kitchen chairs squeak and seem to shift underneath you when you sit in them? If you've got wooden chairs there's a good chance, especially if they're older, the glue in the joints has deteriorated. I've got this problem right now with our 30-year old kitchen set we inherited from my parents. Happily, there is a cheap, albeit time-consuming, way to fix it...assuming you've got the time and inclination. Many people would be surprised to learn that most all-wooden furniture has very few metal components, if any. The magic behind its strength is the joinery (the types of joints) and glue. I'm going to go through the repair process briefly. 

In order to fix this problem, the first thing you have to do is take the chair apart. So I set about taking the first of my five chairs apart. This is not that difficult if you have the proper tools and do it carefully. You'll need a deadblow hammer or a rubber mallet, spreaders/clamps and side pliers (there are sometimes a few finish nails here and there that need to be removed). Before you get started, take a careful look at the chair to figure out the best way to take it apart; some pieces will need to be disassembled before others. Additionally, examine all the joinery to ensure there are no metal fasteners. If there are, these will need to be removed prior to knocking the chair apart. Once examined and any metal out of the way, it's a simple matter to use your deadblow hammer or rubber mallet to knock the chair carefully apart. Oh yeah, make sure you label each piece FIRST, indicating which side it came from and the direction it was originally oriented. Mix pieces up and it may be nigh impossible to get your chair back together.

Next you'll have to remove or otherwise clean the old glue off each part. This can be accomplished in a number of ways. With an older piece of furniture it most likely has an animal-based glue and this can be softened using hot water.  Then scrape it off, taking care not to remove any of the wood. Doing so could cause the joint to not fit snugly when reassembling.  Modern glues may require a solvent of some kind, with acetone  or some other adhesive remover being the most commonly used (but be careful as these can damage the finish). I've found that it's a heck of a lot easier to get the old glue off the tenons (the "male" part) than out of the mortises (the "female" part). It just takes patience. There are just WAY too many sexual innuendos I could make at this point, but I'll let you come up with your own.

With the chair now in pieces and parts cleaned it's time to put it back together, assuming there are no broken or missing parts (repair and replacement is a whole other discussion). Just like when pulling the chair apart, think this step through, realizing that some pieces need to go back together before others. You'll need to use a yellow wood glue, my preference being Titebond III. An artist's paintbrush helps to spread the glue around both parts of each joint prior to reassembly. 

Then it's simply a matter of putting it back together one section at a time, clamping it well and letting that section dry for 24 hours before moving onto the next section if necessary. It'll take some time to completely fix a chair, especially if you're doing it in the evenings like I am. But I'm in no real rush and expect it to take me a month or two to disassemble, refinish, and then reassemble all the chairs since I'm doing them one at a time.

Gold Medals, Complex Math and Disco Shoes

I don't know about you but here in Jersey I'm getting kind of tired of winter. It's those mid-February blues. While I enjoy the snow, there's been so much this year I'm definitely over it and ready for spring. However, having spent a lot of years in the area I'm well aware that we're about two months away from any signs of life and even further from that glorious riot of spring that takes place over a 2 or 3 week period in May.

I've also taken note that I've got to go out this weekend and buy more wood pellets for our pellet stove. Last fall I bought an entire pallet of them (50 bags) and we're down to the last few. But we won't need another complete pallet (I hope) and figure that another 25 bags should do the trick. We only use the wood pellet stove to heat the large addition off the back that serves as our great room. We spend most of our time in it. As a result we keep the heat in the rest of the house down around 65F all day and night; there's really little need to heat it much higher when we mostly just sleep there.

OK...so on with it. Here we go....

1. The Competitor - Sports
2. Mr. Muscle - Fitness and Health
3. Your Ride - Cars
4. Greenbacks - Career/Money/Finance
5. Toys - Gadgets (i.e. boys toys)
6. Tasty Licks - Music, Movies, Books and other Entertainment
7. Arguing - Politics
8. The Great Outdoors - hunting, camping, extreme sports
9. WWWD? (What Would Ward Do?...think about it, it'll come to you) - Family
10. Black Socks & Flip-Flops - Personal Appearance
11. Honeydew - Home Improvement/Tools
12. The Wide World - Travel/Vacation
13. Eye Candy

The Competitor - If you've been glued to the tube each night since the Winter Olympic Games have started like me, no doubt you've been alternately impressed, distressed and sometimes dumbfounded at what goes on at the Games and what is reported on. So far the feel-good story has to hands down be that of Alexandre Bilodeau, the young Canadian mogul skier who won the first Gold Medal by a Canadian on Canadian soil EVER when they have hosted either summer or winter games. Inspired by his brother with cerebral palsy, he has a fresh, wide-eyed wonderment at his new-found fame that is so refreshing and in all the interviews I've seen with him he seems like a genuinely nice kid who deserves all his success. But have no doubt - you don't win Olympic Gold without being a fierce competitor. He reached out and grabbed history when offered. His gold medal run was a complete gamble as he tore down that cobbled slope on the edge of out of control...but that's what it takes to be a champion...willing to lose it all in an effort to win. Several other mogul skiers tried the same on-the-edge, hair-on-fire approach, and but for the fickle whims of Lady Luck they might have been the Olympic Champion. But in pushing it a single flaming hair too far, they wiped out and off the podium. If you haven't seen his winning, ball-to-the-walls run, here it is.

At the other end of the spectrum comes the unfortunate story of the Japanese luger who was disqualified because the combined weight of her and her equipment were 1/4 lb overweight due to a miscalculation of the formula used for underweight athletes to carry additional weight. Not great for an athlete who puts in years of sacrifice to make it to the Games only to be DQ'd for 4 oz. However the blogger who reported on this story, Trey Kerby, set himself up for ridicule as he called the method used to determine the amount of weight a "somewhat complex formula". See for yourself just how complex this formula is...but if you're too lazy to click on through to it, I'll repeat it here: WOMEN: (165 lbs - body weight) x .75 ....ta da!  That's it. No differential equations, hell not even algebra, just straight up 4th grade math. Look I'll be willing to give Mr. Kerby some slack in that maybe arithmetic is not his favorite subject but how in God's name does he function in the adult world if he considers this to be a "somewhat complex formula"...either that or he thinks athletes all have rocks in their head and he's trying to cut this poor woman some slack. Regardless he's either an idiot or patronizing.

WWWD? - If you've never been actively involved in your community, there is no better time than now when our communities need us. Being an active participant in the town I live in is something I only learned to do as an adult through my brother-in-law and his family (long-time residents and small business owners in their hometown). This is something I never picked up from my parents as we moved often due to my father's military service and subsequent corporate career - however, as a Vietnam combat veteran he more than contributed to the benefit of our town, county, state and country. This is not to discourage our veterans from continuing to serve in their civilian life - we need them to share their sense of duty!

What I've found (and those that already volunteer in their community most likely will agree with) is that you get far more in return than the service you put out. There is the sense of satisfaction from giving of yourself and helping others. There is also the benefit of getting to know your neighbors and other community members, especially community leaders. When we lived in Florida I was a member of the Chamber of Commerce, Rotary Club, a Cub Scout Den Leader and as a result of the people I met and worked with, was invited to sit on the Board of our local YMCA. Through my active participation I felt like I was really LIVING in my town; I knew the mayor, town council members, and local business owners. I enjoyed trips to the store or a local event and running into someone I knew nearly every time I went out. While I may not have always agreed with some of our community leaders positions on issues, I at least had a better understanding of where they were coming from since I knew them on a first-name basis. This also provided me with the chance to express my views to them as part of a real discussion and not as just another voice lined up at the microphone at a town council meeting.

Since moving back to NJ, I've tried to pick up where I left off upon leaving Florida (in fact, active involvement in my community is one of the things that made moving away such a hard decision). So far I've again become a Cub Scout Den Leader and am a member of our church Building Committee. And already I've run into other members of both those groups out and about town - that really makes you feel like you are starting to belong when that happens. 

So I encourage you to not simply shut your front door behind you when getting home at night, only to shut out your community while at the same time inviting the rest of the world in via television and the Internet. "But," you say "what about time with my family?" Slow down cowboy - I didn't say you have to volunteer every evening or even once a week. And many volunteer roles are fantastic opportunities to bring your children along allowing you to spend quality time with them and to instill in them a sense of civic duty which has often been forgotten in today's suburban wasteland.

Black Socks & Flip-Flops - You can continue to call me a cheap bastard. Last week I picked up one of my pairs of dress shoes from the cobbler after having them resoled (for those of you not familiar with the archaic term "cobbler", I'm referring to a shoe repair shop).  I'm not so caught up in fashion that I have to have THIS year's style of shoes...thank God. Instead I buy a relatively good pair of shoes - around $150 or so - and wear them until they fall apart, having them resoled 2, 3 or even 4 times before the uppers can no longer take a new sole. At between $35 and $50 for a resoling,  it's definitely worth it compared to buying a new pair of shoes. Of course I could buy cheaper shoes to begin with but they usually don't last any longer than the soles, making any efforts at resoling pointless.  But can you imagine bringing these funky silver disco clodhoppers in for repair...?


So let's do the math: good shoes @ $150 + (3 resoling @ $50) = $300 vs. 4 pair of $75 shoes. Equal cost. However I'm guessing you'd probably go through at least 5 pair of $75 shoes in the same time and they are usually not as comfortable. And while they don't fit my wardrobe, I wouldn't mind seeing the woman who brings these boots into the repair shop....

Cheap booze, Snowstorms, and WD-40

I'll have to admit that as this snowy winter weather keeps us inside, it can become a bit trying to find enough to write about. Sure I can surf the web and find stuff (which I admit I already do), but I'm not getting out and about as much and actually experiencing things. Thus I can wind up feeling a bit like an armchair quarterback. However, given my desire to stave off boredom today, I think I'm gonna go cheap early and call this my Hollywood-tromp-through-the sewer edition.

1. The Competitor - Sports
2. Mr. Muscle - Fitness and Health
3. Your Ride - Cars
4. Greenbacks - Career/Money/Finance
5. Toys - Gadgets (i.e. boys toys)
6. Tasty Licks - Music, Movies, Books and other Entertainment
7. Arguing - Politics
8. The Great Outdoors - hunting, camping, extreme sports
9. WWWD? (What Would Ward Do?...think about it, it'll come to you) - Family
10. Black Socks & Flip-Flops - Personal Appearance
11. Honeydew - Home Improvement/Tools
12. The Wide World - Travel/Vacation
13. Eye Candy

Greenbacks -  One thing it seems you can be sure of is that even when the economy sucks people are still gonna drink; probably even more so. All we do is shift to cheaper swill although I doubt stars with a known affection for Lady Alcohol, like Lindsay Lohan (shown enjoying herself at left) and Mel Gibson, are suffering the same fate. While I'm not a big drinker, I do enjoy a beer to two. Lately, I've ratcheted down a few notches in what I buy, trying to stretch that dollar a bit further. What I want to know is what are people doing to make cheap tequila sales jump, yes jump!, 21% from 2008 to 2009. All I can say is that I think we all know what kind of night to expect when that bottle of ta-kill-ya is cracked open.

Tasty Licks - OK. I found this article comparing Spike TV to Lifetime to be pretty dead on and funny. Spike is definitely guys TV. Thank God being a Balanced Guy doesn't mean being a pussy and not allowing yourself to watch stupid guy shows. Being a Balanced Guy means being able to do that AND being able to watch a Lifetime movie with your significant other while keeping both in perspective. It means a boys' night out getting maybe a bit rowdy and pushing the envelope after a day spent coaching your daughter's basketball team. Being a Balanced Guy also means at the end of the day admitting that you'd much rather watch Spike TV. 

Neil Genzlinger, the author, demonstrates his "Balanced Guy-liness" when he states "So, clearly, members of one sex are living in a sad, unrealistic fantasy world, trying in vain to compensate for the drabness of their day-to-day lives. Members of the other are living a rich life of the imagination, at peace with their self-image and excited by what the future might hold. Which is which goes without saying." Nuff said.

Sticking with entertainment, last week the nominations for both The Oscars and The Razzies came out. By far, those for The Razzies are a hell of a lot more entertaining to read through although the Oscar-worthy performances are certainly better to watch (unless maybe you're halfway through that bottle of cheap tequila). Although I'm not sure I agree with Land of the Lost garnering nominations for worst actor (Will Ferrell) worst supporting actor, worst director, worst screenplay, worst sequel/ripoff/remake. 

Granted, it's not Oscar material but it was a really funny movie...to me at least.  Mature; no. Juvenile; yes. Not sure it's meant for the kids mostly because they aren't gonna get a lot of the jokes and there is some fairly adult humor, albeit innuendo. Keeping in line with a lot of the 1970's-TV show-turned-movie genre of the last 10 years or so (The Brady Bunch, Scooby D00, Charlie's Angels, etc) it's very tongue-in-cheek with a lot of laugh-out-loud moments. The scene with Will Ferrell dancing through the pterodactyl nest in his underwear is priceless.

Honeydew - As I write this the white stuff is falling from the sky and we're under a blizzard watch here in Central Jersey. This is the second big storm in a week. While I don't mind shoveling snow, this storm is worse than the last as far as shoveling is concerned because it's heavy and wet. It's not the weight of the snow that bugs me when pushing it around, it's the fact that it sticks to my shovel. Little trick of the trade for ya - before you start the process of throwing your back out or bringing on a heart attack (yes, shoveling snow can be dangerous to your health) try spraying some liquid duct tape on it. What is liquid duct tape you ask? WD-40 of course. It's like a miracle-in-a-can. To back this claim, know this: it's even got a Facebook fan page with almost 4,000 fans (just slightly more than The Balanced Guy's fan base on Facebook and Princeton Scoop is catching up fast). 

The great part is that everyday, WD-40 sprays a blurb with yet another use for this can-o'-magic much the way Princeton Scoop tosses you info about great deals and steals in the Central Jersey area. For example, yesterday's Use of the Day: Detangles jewelry, like tangled Mardi Gras beads used in celebratory dance on Bourbon St. And one from last week...Use of the Day: Cleans cell phone battery connections. And another one that is wholly appropriate for our current weather - Use of the Day: Spray wheel wells and underbody of autos to protect from corrosion due to road salt. (OK...I'm not too sure about the phrase "sprays a blurb" but I'll go with it...I was obviously trying to be witty but I'll toss a flag and call it a "fail".  So stock up on WD-40, find ever more exotic uses for it and enjoy shoveling that snow!

Speaking of "fail", if you're looking to possibly wet yourself laughing I highly suggest you go to Google images and simply type in the word "fail". You never know what you'll find. Words fail me as far this image goes....