The Balanced Guy Fails, Grilling, Economics and Unicorns

After a plea for decency (with no doubt an out-and-out decidedly moralist bent) in last week's posting, I'm going a bit lighter here this go around. In an effort to conjure up a frothy offering replete with rainbows, unicorns, and cherubs I'll tackle a review of a seminal work in economics: The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money (1936) by the incomparable John Maynard Keynes. This page-turning, beach-reader opens with the hero engaged in an epic battle with "The Man".

OK. I'm really NOT going to review The General Theory (as it's commonly referred to). In truth, while I am currently reading it (along with about 5 or 6 other books), I can think of few things I prefer not to do more than offer a critique of one of modern history's more influential books (yes, it really is). On to the froth.

I actually will start out with some "feel-good" froth. In his recent contribution to The Huffington Post, blogger Jeff Howe discusses his current efforts using the latest online craze, Twitter to have everyone in the world share just one simple thing in common as a start for dialogue - namely reading the same book (the concept was started by Seattle librarian Nancy Pearl in 1998). Her idea, "One Book, One City" was embraced by her home city as thousands of Seattlites read The Sweet Hereafter by Russel Banks. Jeff calls his "One Book, One Twitter" or on Twitter, #1b1t. You can also find him there @crowdsourcing.

At Jeff's column on Wired, you can see the finalist books that are up for voting (sorry, I just came across this today so missed out on the nomination round). The list includes such greats as Slaughterhouse Five, Catcher in the Rye, and Brave New World. Take a peek, vote for your favorites and in the next week or so be prepared to read and find common ground with someone completely different than yourself!

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Face it. Grilling is a man's world. And why is this? Three words: fire, steel and meat. Although I don't doubt many of you are more manly than me in this respect, I've figured out how to grill a perfect burger and whole chicken (but not at the same time - I'm not that technically sophisticated). Disclaimer - this applies to gas grills only although the rules for burgers could be used for a charcoal grill I suppose).

Rule #1 - Burger preparation. Store-bought, fresh or frozen: no prep needed; you don't even have to defrost the frozen ones. However I highly recommend buying them as low-fat as possible. The 80/20's tend to create grease fires and taste, as you might expect, greasy. If you make your own, try to shape them so they are evenly thick from center to edges.

Rule #2 - Heat that mother up! Turn your grill up...way up. Light it, turn it to high, shut the lid and go drink a beer. You want it screaming hot.

Rule #3 - Cooking the burgers. Toss the burgers on the grill, turn down the heat to medium or so and shut the lid. If cooked properly you should only have to flip them once. How do you know when to flip them? When the blood rises to the surface of the burger. Wait a min or so after the first bits appear on the surface until there is a good amount on the top. Then give it a quick flip and shut the lid again. The second side usually takes less time to cook than the first, especially with frozen burgers as by now they've been thawed. Don't forget to drop some cheese on them when you first see the blood rise to the surface on the second side. By the time the cheese melts, they'll be done (although standard American cheese melts much faster than say cheddar or provolone).

Rule #4 - Enjoy.

Want to enjoy a tasty, juicy whole chicken grilled to perfection? Here's how.

Rule #1 - Chicken prep. Bring your chicken to room temp, split it in half along the spine, and clean well. Season it however you like, but I prefer a liberal rub of Everglades Seasoning (while the company makes several varieties, including one for fish and chicken, I reach for the classic "All-Purpose Seasoning".

Rule #2 - Again...light 'er up and turn 'er up. Get that grill good 'n hot! The key to easily grilling chicken so it cooks thoroughly without drying out is to have a grill with at least three separate burners; four is even better.

Rule #3 - Drop the two chicken halves on the grill to sear them; maybe 20 seconds on a side.

Rule #4 - Here's the critical step. Place the two chicken halves on the center of the grill, one to the front and the other to the back. TURN OFF the center burner(s) and turn the two outside burners down to just a bit above low. Shut the lid. By turning off the center burner over which the chicken directly sits, you eliminate the heat source which results in those family reunion grilled chicken sandwiches where the edges are burned, the outside is dry and tough and the center is still pink. The side burners provides a nice, even, indirect heat which circulates around the chicken, cooking it slowly and evenly. This is why it's critical to shut the lid and keep it shut.

Rule #5 - Have a beer while you wait 30 mins. Do not open the lid to continuously check the chicken (you'll go blind). After 30 minutes has passed you need to flip the chicken over (that's 2 or 3 beers, an episode of the Simpsons or This Old House, or roughly 8 songs on your iPod - unless it's a 1970's rock anthem in which case you might hear 2 songs). Shut the lid. Wait another 30 minutes. However this time around you might want to slow down on beer consumption.

Rule #6 - After an hour of cooking time, your chicken should be grilled to tasty perfection without being dry. If you stick a knife or fork into the joint where the leg meets the body, the juice should run clear. If your chicken was cold when you put it on the grill, you'll need to add up to 10 minutes per side in additional cooking time.
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Looking to buy some flowers for your lady but aren't sure what to buy or cringe at the cost? My tried-and-true favorites are daisies. Here's why: 1) They're simple, happy flowers, definitely not overused like roses; if you're in the beginning stages of a relationship they aren't pretentious and overbearing 2) they last and last and last...and last; I've had bunches stick around for 2 weeks or more, 3) in this economy they're relatively inexpensive compared to other flowers.





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Tasty Licks - If you're fed up with Wall St, Washington, Hollywood, professional athlete and "reality" TV shenanigans, pick up a copy of Enough: True Measures of Money, Business and Life by John C. Bogle, founder of The Vanguard Group and its associated mutual funds. In it he lays out a very convincing argument of, quite frankly, "Enough!"...Enough with the focus on only the bottom line and not the customer or society. Enough with the lack of trust. As he states, people today focus too much on success and not enough on character; too much on process and not enough on good judgment.

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Your Ride - I'll admit to a "Fail" on this effort. A few postings ago I expounded on the merits of performing minimal self-repair jobs on your car like a basic tune-up. So last weekend I have the shop manual for my minivan, tools, and other accouterments of car repair ready to go. After performing a number of the more basic maintenance items like fluid checks and top-offs it was time to get down to the nitty-gritty - checking and changing spark plugs and the like. Admittedly I could have done all the basic tune-up work myself...if I wanted to practically pull the engine in order to do so. While I have the tools and most of the necessary desire, it was the small amount of desire I lacked which prevented me from spending the entire weekend under the hood of the van in what would've been a couple of hours in an older car. You see, the engine in my van is situated sideways; thus three of the six spark plugs are on the back side up against the firewall..with the fuel injector, drive belt, et al in the way and which (according to the shop manual) must be removed in order to replace the plugs. Yeah, I probably could've done it but I'm not that much of a gear head. Today's cars are just not that DIY friendly unfortunately.

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And just to keep the joke running a bit longer, I offer you yet another pic of Kim Kardashian...